The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Hentai: Calculating Weirdness

Even the most rabid hentai addict will occasionally encounter a particular breed of art that appears to defy all human comprehension. Under these circumstances it is important not to panic, and to handle any logical processing of the image in one’s mind with the following rating procedure:

Compare the image to all of the following statements and when applicable add the appropriate weirdness values to the image’s total weirdness count. Ratings scale from 0 (Completely normal) to 125 (Vomit inducing batshit insane retina scarring horror beyond words).


Category 1) Rationality

a) The image contains figures with proportions beyond what is considered normal. (Examples: Unreasonably enlarged breasts, gigantic penises, masses of fat or musculature, stretched/squashed/otherwise misshapen body shape) (+1 per figure).

• The sexual focus of the image is on the exaggerated proportions (+1).
  
• The proportions are outrageous to the extent of being physically impossible (+2).
  
• Genitalia in the image is large enough to be considered lethal weaponry. (+2 per weapon).

b) Figures in the image engage in sexual acts that defy the rules of basic anatomy. (Examples: Large insertions, nipple fucking, ass-to-mouth tentacle penetration, inhuman flexibility) (+2 per act).

• The acts would result in death if attempted in real life (+3 per act).
  
• The acts are causing death in the image (+5).
  
• Seeing the acts makes you wish you were dead (+5).

c) Figures in the image are not real types of beings beings. (Examples: Fantasy creatures, tentacle monsters, furries, robots) (+1 per figure).

• The imaginary creatures perform sexual acts with one another (+2).
  
• No real beings are present (+3).

Category 2) Obscurity

a) The sexual focus of the image is on a subject not typically thought of as being arousing (Examples: Feet, armpits, excrement, socks, fully-clothed pre-pubescent girls holding teddy bears) (+1 per fetish)

• You just added 3 or more points (+5).

b) The image is based off subject matter that contains little to no sexual content (Examples: Calvin and Hobbes, Cars, Trauma Center) (+2).

• The original subject matter was targeted at children (+3).
  
• The original subject matter was targeted at babies and toddlers (+5).

c) The subject matter is something you’ve never heard of. (Examples: Obscure anime/manga/game that two people follow religiously) (+1)

• The original subject matter was already sexual content (+1).

Category 3) Offensiveness

a) Add +2 for all following themes that apply:

• Rape
  
• Racism
  
• Sexism
  
• Pedophilia
  
• Infantophilia
  
• Violence
  
• Torture
  
• Mutilation
  
• Necrophilia
  
• Bestiality
  
• Feces
  
• Slavery
  
• Sadism
  
• Transvestites

b) The total amount of points from a) was 8 or higher (+5).
c) 20 or higher (+10).


Category 4) Gruesomeness.

a) The image contains blood. (Examples: Knife wound, popped cherry, bloody vomitting) (+1).

• It isn’t just virgin hymen-breaking blood (+2).
  
• Lots of blood (+2).

b) Figures in the image are injured. (Examples: Bruises, broken bones, bandages, cuts) (+1 per figure).

• The figures are in the process of being slightly injured (+1 per figure).
  
• Severely injured (+3 per figure).
  
• Killed (+5 per figure).

c) Figures in the image are missing limbs (+3 per limb).

• Those figures are engaged in sexual acts (+3 per figure).
  
• With the parts of body that are missing the limbs (+5).
  
• With the limbs (+10).

Tally up the totals and compare with the following chart:

The image is:

0-5 – Completely normal.
6-15 – Relatively harmless.
16-25– Somewhat disturbing.
26-50 – Definitely offensive.
51-75 – Excruciatingly painful.
76-100 – Mind-blowingly horrendous.
101-125 – Born from the depths of hell.
126+ - Beyond the scope of this guide.

Congratulations, if you’ve reached this point (alive) you are now a more informed member of the hentai community and are mentally scarred!